Pick 'Ems: Why Bother Edition

Unfortunately, traveling back from the Music City Bowl (report later), holiday gatherings with friends, and packing for my trip to the Peach Bowl have precluded me from addressing the breaking news and the bowl games all ready in the books. Let's just say, the post-season has totally made up for the lackluster regular season.

It's a pity I wasn't quick enough in doing my picks, becuase I would have chosen BGSU and Nebraska. Not that the Humanitarian Bowl would have helped, but it looks like Nebraska would have come through for me.

Anyway, here's just a quick list of my remaining picks (although clearly no stock should be put in my opinions):

Armed Forces Bowl: Houston
Sun Bowl: Stanford
Texas Bowl: Missouri
Insight Bowl: Iowa State
Chick-fil-A Bowl: Tennessee
Outback Bowl: Auburn
Capital One Bowl: LSU
Gator Bowl: Florida State
Rose Bowl: Oregon
Sugar Bowl: Florida
International Bowl: South Florida
Cotton Bowl: Mississippi
PapaJohns.com Bowl: South Carolina
Liberty Bowl: Arkansas
Alamao Bowl: Michigan State
Fiesta Bowl: Boise State
Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech
GMAC Bowl: Troy
National Championship: Alabama

See you in '10!

Urban Meyer's Diary

Sure, sites like ESPN and College Football News might have more reliable reporting, but you won't get exclusives like this:


December 26, 2009 9:00 A.M.
Oh noes! I lost the SEC Championship game! And all of Ron Zook’s (ie- the good) recruits! And my bestie Tim Tebow is being forced to graduate! I’ll never be this good ever again!! I need to quit while I’m ahead. But if I just admit I’ve gone as far as I can go with Florida, that would look classy and honorable. That’s not my style….I know! I’ll whine about how stressed out I am! I’ll be a Florida martyr!!! Yay!!!!

December 26, 2009 1:00 P.M.
Everything is going as planned. Everyone feels sooooo sorry for me. I think they’re going to build a shrine to me on the fifty yard line. Yay!!!!

December 26, 2009 6:00 P.M.
Hmmph. The media is being all, “Would he be doing this if he beat Bama?” Why don’t they looooove me?

December 27, 2009 9:00 A.M.
Oh noes! The team had a good practice. Maybe they won’t be sucky after all. Maybe I could have another championship run. Then they’d name the whole state after me! But I all ready resigned! Whaaaa!

December 27, 2009 4:00 P.M.
Perfect plan. I’ll just take a year off. If the team doesn’t fall apart, I’ll come back. If they do, I’ll just stay too sick and not come back and I’ll have an untarnished reputation. Except for the whininess part. Yaaaay!

Urban Meyer Cries Uncle

Since monkeys attempting to retype Hamlet would have made better bowl picks than I did, can I at least get some mad props for predicting there was no way Urban Meyer was returning without his bestie, Tim Tebow?

Of course he should act towards his own best interests. Even though I despise the man, I give him one handed applause for doing what's best for him. I admit I get some satisfaction out of what must be the ultimate whine in college ball.

But. I am sorry to see him go. Tennessee beats Florida next year, with or without Meyer; I would much have preferred to be with. Also, Kiffin/Meyer was shaping up to be the way more awesome version of Fulmer/Spurrier. Sorry to see that plotline dropped like ABC's "Cavemen."

To further increase my football cred, I predict this: Spurrier will not return to the swamp; Bob Stoops will become the new jungle guide.

Bowl Games Are Gift Cards

Bowl games are like gift cards. They’re awesome and exciting and the recipient is full of joy. Then, he kinda forgets to spend it, and the giver might as well have eaten the cash for Christmas dinner.

Though not as financially devastating as the approximately five hundred million dollars wasted on unused gift cards, fifteen million dollars in unsold tickets is not chump change.

According to the above article, schools must guarantee a certain number of tickets. Other sources claim such practice is verboten. Whether verbalized or not, the chances for the bowls to turn a profit are their top consideration in team selection. Which is fine, yay capitalism. But please, can we call a spade a spade and stop pretending we’re rewarding on field excellence? I’m a BCS elitist and have little sympathy for small programs, but it does gall me the system so flagrantly punishes the have-nots.

Remind me to discuss the haves v have-nots and my growing annoyance with the bowl system in the future. Probably not tomorrow, as I have given my money to the bowl tyranny and will be on the road/in attendance that day. But as soon as I recover from the jolly good time I’m sure to have, I’ll go back to raging against the machine.

Merry Boxing Day

Hope y'all had a merry Christmas and got something at least half as awesome as I did.

Also on the reading menu? A spot of Clay Travis.

It Pays to Pay Attention

You probably won’t be surprised to learn that not only do I watch football, I read about it. Books, magazines, web sites, and even my competition in the blogosphere.

Right now, I most enjoy Get the Picture because it’s author and I focus on similar subjects but are almost complete foils. In this post, he rants against play off proposals in menacing manner. I don’t feel the need to rebut his every point, but I do wish to highlight this:

Sadly, I haven’t even gotten to the dumbest part of Staples’ piece. That would be his insistence that the bowls wouldn’t be hurt by being bypassed by this new tournament. For example, the Sugar Bowl would be just as happy hosting Ole Miss as it would Florida. Happier, even.
… Since they never were about determining a national champion, one would think bowl organizers and civic leaders would prefer a thrilled eight-win team (Ole Miss) over a disappointed 12-win team (Florida).
Yeah, not hosting Tim Tebow in his final game as a collegian would go over great, one would think.

Guess he missed this memo.

Meaning of the Season

My bowl picks thus far have been meaningless. Overall or against the spread, it’s all one. 1-3 to be exact. Sigh.

You know what else is meaningless? The BCS’s argument a play off would render the regular season meaningless.

I used to be completely convinced by this stance. The play off is the regular season, you see. That’s what makes it awesome.

Until I realized how little sense that makes. If the bowls are the “championship,” and regular season is the “playoff,” then where is the regular season? College ball doesn’t even have exhibition games that we can pretend is the “regular season.”

Why do we pride ourselves on skipping the regular season—the meat of any sport? Why do we exult in punishing teams that, for whatever reason, get off to a slow start? Why do we cling to a system in which last year’s performance is more important to winning it all than the current year’s?

Even if not having a regular season made sense, that would still not justify their whining about the importance of the playoff/regular season. So what if it’s meaningless? The bowls, the precious bowls we must preserve above all else, are meaningless. Unless you’re primed for a Top 5 pre-season slot and get slaughtered, there are absolutely no stakes in the bowl games. Not even winning the “championship” is all that important since it is not, for all intents and purposes, a championship game.

And yet. We watch bowls in droves. Many of us travel and even more of us watch from the comfort of our homes. Once schools let out for Christmas break, my family and friends check the schedule. “Oregon State against BYU? I don’t really care, but let’s watch. It might be a good game.” Despite the insignificance of the games, we fans bring in the all important revenue.

So how does the BCS think a play-off will diminish our enthusiasm for the regular season? Even if it did, we’d still watch. But if anything, it would provide more interest. The way the system stands now, if your team loses its first game, any championship hopes basically vanish. It’s hard to get pumped for a team that is striving for a spot in an over-commericialized bowl. With a play-off, you lose a game or two but still have a chance to play for it all. Now the drama gets going.

But above all, a play-off will be as close as we can get to settling who really is the best team in the nation. The championship will become less beauty pageant and more battle of the best. That’s something any true sports fan should want.

Pick 'Ems: Bowl Edition 1

Picking all the bowl games. Which is torture, because the first few weeks are composed almost entirely of games pitting two teams of which I know little and care less.

The Game: Wyoming v Fresno State
The Line: Bulldogs by 13
I’ll Take: Bulldogs by more
The Rationale: I’ve heard more about Fresno State. And Wyoming has a new coach. And they were worse off than UT, if you can imagine that.

The Game: UCF v Rutgers
The Line: Scarlet Knights by 4
I’ll Take: Scarlet Knights my more
The Rationale: Rutgers is complaining about exams and UCF having more time off or some such. Still, they’ve got the better program, and it’s hard to beat someone by just four.

The Game: Southern Miss v Middle Tennessee
The Line: Eagles by 6
I’ll Take: Eagles by more
The Rationale: I really want to root for my home state, but I didn’t even know the Raiders were in a bowl until I read this article about how, like, six of their current players have ever been to a bowl. Plus, isn’t Southern Miss really good in their conference?

The Game: Oregon State v BYU
The Line: Beavers by 2.5
I’ll Take: Beavers by more
The Rationale: I actually had to type two separate predictions. After all this talk about BYU being the second coming, Oregon State is favored? I was surprised. But then I reflected. Oregon State is in a real conference that’s doing well this year and certain personal policies dictating how I root for teams would preclude me from choosing the Cougars in good conscience. Don’t let me down, or you’re going on my List.

The Game: Utah v California
The Line: Bears by 2.5
I’ll Take: Bears by more
The Rationale: I think this is actually the same game as the previous pick, just with better mascots.

The Game: Marshall v Ohio
The Line: Bearcats by 4
I’ll Take: Bearcats by more
The Rationale: Isn’t Ohio at the top of their conference? And ever since I learned about the “We Are Marshall” story, everything about the Thundering Herd makes me uncomfortable.

The Game: Nevada v Southern Methodist
The Line: Wolfpack by 13
I’ll Take: Wolfpack by more
The Rationale: I shouldn’t, since it took about eight seconds for me to remember Nevada’s mascot. But I’m way out of my depth here, so I’m just going with Vegas.

The Game: Pittsburgh v North Carolina
The Line: Panthers by 2
I’ll Take: Tarheels in the upset
The Rationale: I really kinda wanted to pick Pitt, but standard policy is to pull for the southern team whenever possible (unless it’s an SEC team. Then you pull for them no matter what). Since the spread is so small, it’s possible to pick UNC. Also, I don’t have a single upset yet.

The Game: Boston College v USC
The Line: Trojans by 7
I’ll Take:Eagles in the upset
The Rationale: Sure, it’s popular to believe that USC has a win coming, or their disappointing season is motivation to be awesome in the bowl. But honestly, how pumped is mighty USC going to be about going to a December bowl?

The Game: Kentucky v Clemson
The Line: Tigers by 7.5
I’ll Take: Wildcats in the upset
The Rationale: Do these people not remember a few weeks ago when the Tigers were completely declawed by South Carolina? Kentucky is better than South Carolina. Also, I’ll be there to cheer them on in person

The Game: Texas A&M v Georgia
The Line: Bulldogs by 4
I’ll Take: Bulldogs by more
The Rationale: The SEC will trump the Big XII more than once this season.

The Game: UCLA v Temple
The Line: Bruins by 4
I’ll Take: Bruins by more
The Rationale: By even typing out the team names I’m giving this game more attention than it deserves.

The Game: Miami v Wisconsin
The Line: Hurricanes by 4.5
I’ll Take: Hurricanes by more
The Rationale: The Big 10 is a pretty bad conference most years, but especially this one.

If I don’t update for a few days, it’s not out of neglect. I’ll be spending some time in the mountains with spotty wireless, then it’s Christmas, then I’ll be on the road to my first of two bowl games. Happy holidays and see you soon.

Big 10 Dreams Big

(Thanks miss_blackbutterfly for the image.)


Adding a team to an existing conference is a lot like adding an extra fourth grade class to a school in the middle of the year—it’s a great idea with many benefits, but a logistical nightmare.

What we have to keep in mind is that conference allegiances go beyond the football field. There are other sports to consider and even (gasp!) academics. But mostly, there’s money. What the Big 10 needs is a large, state school (to jive with the existing culture) in the Midwest that will also attract copious viewers to the Big 10 Network and bring in enough revenue to not drain resources from the existing schools. Since Notre Dame will likely spurn an additional $10 million in annual revenue to maintain their “independence,” the Big 10’s dream of being a real conference is in danger of being fumbled even before the snap. Potential replacements in New England just won’t be big enough draws to justify their addition, and how will the Big XII react to Missouri’s potential flight? Are they seriously going to let TCU in because of a few hot years?

The real conundrum is much more serious. If the Big 10 manages to expand, whatever will call their conference?

Happy Birthday?

This goes to show how hardcore my family is regarding their football superstitions.

The scene: My sister’s birthday. The cake is brought out, we sing the song, she makes her wish…and only gets about a third of the candles blown out. Immediately, my grandmother shouts:

If we lose the game, it’s your fault. Did you hear that? If we lose the game, it’s your fault because you didn’t blow all those candles out!

(It was clear to all she was referring to the “Championship Game” starring Alabama.)

To stave off my sister’s extreme consternation, my uncle gently added:

Maybe she wished for Texas to win.

Mission Awards Go To...

‘Tis the season for giving out awards. I’m not keen on awards as I view them as disingenuous and self-congratulatory. However, I’ll jump on the bandwagon and pass out the Mission’s End-of-Year-Even-Though-There’s-A Lot-of-Football-to-Be-Played Awards.

1. Mark Ingram for being Alabama’s first Heisman winner, I guess. I am extremely anti-Heisman because the votes tend to be as real as a Prom Queen election. I can think of at least one other player I would have preferred to win it, but of the choices presented, I’m glad Ingram took it. If you disagree, think of it this way: nine out of ten times, the Heisman ends a player’s chance of future success.
2. Navy for beating Army. Again. As it should be.
3. All the new coaches for landing better assignments. Best of luck, even to Brian Kelly.
4. Lane Kiffin for finding the silver lining in being investigated by the SEC for recruiting violations. It’s a compliment, people.
5. One more trophy to be awarded at a later date to someone who actually impresses me.

Playoff Problem: Facts and Figures

Next, the Playoff Problem regales us with the following facts and figures.

It’s successful.
True. But not the whole story. It’s successful in the sense that BCS #1 plays BCS #2 in the last game of the post season. Where it fails is accurately ascertaining who deserves to be #1 and #2.

College football is more popular than ever.
I’ll trust their viewing statistics are accurate. However, they don’t substantiate the claim that it’s “because of the BCS.” Even if it were, would that mean football would become less popular or unpopular with the institution of a playoff? Consider: polls indicate the vast majority of college football fans favor a playoff.

Fans and players love bowls.
True, I guess. I think fans and players just love football, but why quibble? Also, a play-off does not ipso-facto eliminate bowls.

It’s fair.
No. No it’s not. I’ll admit to being an apologist for BCS conference bias and would be sorely unhappy should Boise State or TCU being in the championship game, but I will never pretend the system is fair. It’s biased toward Big Name schools and what they consider to be good match ups. Remember a few years ago when Michigan was in contention for going to the NC, but since Ohio State was #1 and those two schools had played in the regular season, Florida went instead? Sure, it was the right decision, but it wasn’t “fair.” They claim, “every team has an opportunity to earn a spot in a BCS game,” but that’s true in the sense that any kid can grow up to be president. It’s possible, but circumstances work against some teams to make it extremely unlikely.

And so they have been foiled yet again. In fact, I tire of shooting fish in a barrel. Tomorrow will be our last installment.

Hostess: A Cupcake Violation

I’ll take a break from ripping on the BCS to prognosticate on the two big stories this week.

1. UT is being reviewed for a possible secondary recruiting violation involving the Vols Hostesses. Their normal duties are showing recruits around campus on their official visits. Not attending their out-of-state high school games waving “Come to Tennessee” signs. At this point, I’m shrugging because it’s pretty clear she/they were not acting at the request of the university. But I do want to point out: this has NOTHING to do with Kiffin. Even if the university put the hostesses up to this stunt (and really, why would they send girls nearly 300 miles away to hold up handmade signs?), they are employed by the Admissions Office, not the Athletic Department. I can’t fathom why people are enjoying smearing Kiffin for this; it displays none of his characteristic brashness. I don’t even buy the NCAA is gunning for Tennessee due to his heaping of former violations in the off season. That grand total of six. Which is leaps and bounds ahead of Mississippi, who had 5, and LSU who had 4. Much ado about nothing.
2. Brian Kelly is unofficially Notre Dame’s new coach. I am bowled over from the shock.

The Playoff Problem: Front Page

The Playoff Problem starts out by asking questions that are supposed to force us to gnash our teeth in frustration before weeping in hopeless despair and begging the BCS to take from us this terribly difficult dilemma. Unfortunately, these questions have many, plausible possibilities. The following is a system whose origin has been claimed by several people, and it’s my favorite.

Who would participate?
The eleven conference champions, with five remaining teams at the top of the BCS rankings (see, you still get to keep your silly rankings).

How many automatic qualifiers?
Sixteen, but thanks for the redundancy.

What would be the criteria to qualify?
As mentioned, conference championships and BCS standings.

What would be the criteria for seedings?
BCS rankings.

Where would the games be played?
At the stadiums of the higher seeded teams. This is my favorite part. As Wetzel pointed out yesterday, what truly marks college ball from pro is the pageantry and excitement generated on campus. A playoff system is able to capitalize on that. However, the championship game should be rotated among the traditional BCS bowls.

When would the games be played?
Every other week in December and January.

If you could resolve all that would everyone be satisfied? NO!!
Like I was telling my students today, watch out for sticky words like “all” and “everyone.” Of course not everyone would be satisfied, especially you, BCS-mongers. But as Voltaire said (and listen up because this is the only time I’ll quote Voltaire): Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Is this system perfect? Of course not. Is it better than the current one? Yes. If society waits to change until we can be sure EVERYONE is happy, the best of human progress would never have occurred.

The final two paragraphs are strawmen. No one ever said we have to do eight teams and only the top eight. Clearly, there are alternatives. And the “bracket creep” (in which you start with x number of teams, that turns into y, and z, and before you know it, you have fifty-bajillion teams in the playoffs) is subject to the slippery slope logical fallacy.

Nice try, BCS. Maybe you’ll convince tomorrow with your “Facts and Figures.”

It's That Time of Year

People are complaining about the cold, Christmas music, shopping, and holiday stress.

But mostly, they’re complaining about the BCS.

There are small rumblings throughout the year, but in that lag time between the official end of the season and the start of bowl games, football fans are left without much to do besides complain about the BCS.

This year has been more intense, though. First, the BCS hired an executive director whose entire job consists of trying to convince us the bowl system isn’t asinine. Then, they hired the Ari Fleischer spin machine to do the same. Now, Texas representative Joe Barton has managed to get a bill into an FTC subcommittee that will bar any game from calling itself a “championship” unless it’s the result of a play-off.

Every year, columnists with nothing else to write about make up seeds for a hypothetical play-off, but this article from Yahoo’s Dan Wetzel has me totally sold. He also points us to the ultimate BCS apologist site. The front page reads like a parody, but the inside content has been spun like cotton candy. I suggest over the next few days, we look over the fearmongering together.

Chop Florida Off the Map

(Thanks Tenacious D for that holiday lyric and Willy Volk for the image.)

While the Gators are down in New Orleans so as not to lose the all-important twelfth conference team.

At this point, I’m boiling enough to write off the entire bowl system because of the shenanigans that state pulls. The BCS is a wretched enough system. Try explaining to a foreigner that in American football, we’re able to disregard what happens on the field and simply vote on who think is best. It’s a confusing concept to sports fans.

But then the lower tier bowls, which are bound to follow certain rules in the same way countries are bound by United Nations' actions, continue to make a mockery of an all ready weak system. Half of Florida’s bowls are not under contention. That’s because no one cares about the St. Petersburg Bowl, not even the teams playing in it (UCF and Rutgers, for the record. (Actually, Golden Knights v Scarlet Knights does hold some mascot enjoyment), and the Citrus Champs Bowl starring Miami and Wisconsin might be a decent game.

However, that means I call shenanigans on the other half.

A brief time out to explain how the bowl system works. Each bowl has a tie-in with two conferences. Each bowl also sports a certain amount of prestige. A rule of thumb is the closer to New Year’s, the better the bowl, although these days that’s not absolute. For example, the SEC tie-ins in order of desirability (which is primarily based on how much the bows pays each team for attending) are: Nokia Sugar, Capital One Citrus, Outback Hall of Fame, Chick-fil-A Peach, AT&T Cotton, AutoZone Liberty, Gaylord Hotels Music City, Petro Sun Independence, Papa John’s.com Birmingham. Though there are some further divisional tie-ins, this is the order in which each bowl selects the team that will appear in their game. They’re supposed to pick by win/loss record, with a little wiggle room (that is, if they really, really want to, they could pick an 8-4 team over a 9-3 team, but not a 7-5 over a 9-3).

Tennessee was the first to get screwed by a Florida bowl. As the runners-up in the East, they were supposed to be invited to the Outback. Auburn got the nod instead. Despite a slightly smaller payout, this actually works in UT’s favor. Playing in prime time on New Year’s Eve is way preferable in terms of national viewing audience than at 10:00a on New Year’s Day. And the Peach Bowl has a tie-in with the ACC, meaning UT will face off against VTech, which is a match-up we’ve been chomping at the bit for years, and the Hokies are a higher quality opponent than any Big 10 team that the Outback is obligated to pick (in this case, Northwestern).

What gets the goat is the reason the Outback picked the way it did. Sure, Tennessee’s been there twice in the past three years and we like to keep the teams rotating. But an even bigger reason was a bidding guarantee. The Outback went to Tennessee’s athletic director with the promise of an invite if Mike Hamilton promised to sell 30,000 tickets. Hamilton refused. Not because Vol fans won’t travel—trust me, we will-- but because IT’S AGAINST THE RULES FOR BOWLS TO DO THAT. Auburn’s AD obviously has no compunction in this department.

I’m a forgiving girl, though, so no harm, no foul.

The same cannot be said for the Kinoka Monolta Gator Bowl. They have third pick, after the ACC champion goes to a BCS bowl (ie- the Orange) and the next best team is shuffled off the Peach. Peach took Virginia Tech, so Gator should have taken 9-3 Miami. They even could have selected Boston College or UNC, both at 8-4. Instead, they scraped all the way down to barely eligible, 6-6 Florida State.

Why? Bobby Bowden, ousted FSU coach, spent time at West Virginia, the Big East team slated to play in Jacksonville. Of course it will be uber-thrilling to watch his old school beat up his current school at his last game. I’d much rather see that than an actual contest between the Mountaineers and the ‘Canes. It’s not like one of the BCS bowls has all ready been ruined by a TCU/Boise State match-up.

As against the rules as forcing a ticket guarantee, there’s no physical evidence such an event occurred. All the evidence we need to convict the Gator Bowl is right there on Wikipedia: their picking order and the conference standings. I guess they figured they could give the ACC the finger since this is the last year of their contract. Pity.

Where’s Mike Slive when you need him?

Tide Turns Tebow Tears

(Image from Facebook group "I saw Tim Tebow cry and it made me smile".)

Even though in three out of four games, the ball bounced my way and then was wrestled from my grip by the neighborhood bully at the last second, yesterday was enjoyable. The games were all exciting, bar one, and it’s just that time of year when importance ups its ante. Bama is rolling on to the title game, preventing that 3/4 nonsense Gators would have loved to flout and preventing football fans from slipping into a permanent boredom coma.

But best of all, Tebow cried. And Tebow tears are so rare, they actually cure cancer.

I’ll admit, I don’t know the guy personally. I wouldn’t want to, if his media portrayal is any reflection of his actual self. He’s a creepy idgit. Let me count the ways.

1. He’s a robotic battering ram. I remember way back his first season. Tennessee was the first team to get burned by him, but we figured, ‘No big deal. He just runs it up the middle with the force of a canon. Now that other teams have seen him do it, they’ll adjust and mitigate his effectiveness. If nothing else, he’ll be out of commission by his junior season due to all the hard knocks.’ None of that was true. He continues to shred defenses like old credit card statements, and his worst injury, a concussion that barely slowed him down, didn’t occur until the second half of this season. Maybe that indicates he’s a “machine” or “Superman,” but you know what? If I wanted to see that, I’d flip on ScyFy. What people love about sports is triumph over adversity. We love uber-talented players that, for whatever reason, experience failure but find the strength to claw back up to the top. Does anyone love Star Trek’s Data? Like, admire, respect, sure. Love? No. He ‘suffered’ one loss against Ole Miss, and the worst misfortune to befall his football career is running his last college yards on the field of a BCS bowl in New Orleans? Excuse me if I let him cry alone on that sideline bench.
2. Let’s go ahead and address the crying. It points to his immaturity. I might could forgive a few leaks at the end of this most recent defeat, because it would have been emotional (although I resent the attitude he and his teammates sported: if they just took the field, they’d be Pasadena bound). But he does it after every loss. And remember when Mississippi State almost beat them this year and he pitched that hissy and refused to talk reporters? He displays no emotional coping skills.
3. His interviews. They’re scripted out so he says all the right things. Too bad he’s utterly unconvincing.
4. The Christianity thing. Talk about it or whatever. The verse blacks make you look like a tool, but it’s a free country. However, you might want to choose your verses more carefully. John 16:33 is practically conceding the game to your opponents.
5. The good guy image. He’s working way too hard at it and reached ridiculous heights on yesterday morning’s Gameday. We were regaled with the tale of all the support Tebow throws to some high school kid that HE NEVER MET (OMG!) who died while playing receiver. What’s that support? Wearing a Livestrong bracelet. I am humbled by his humanitarianism. (I know he’s done legit things, but he hangs his hat on mission trips, which are a whole ‘nother layer of creepy. The run of the mill community service he performs are undertaken by all football players, so no special points can be awarded).
6. The Urban Meyer relationship. I honestly don’t want to cast nefarious aspersions, but I will observe the special, weepy relationship they maintain. I don’t know what’s going on there, but I’m glad it will be off my television soon.

So yeah. Much rejoicing at his hubris.

But you know my absolute favorite part? Lane Kiffin as the celebrity Gameday picker. It’s the championship game between Alabama and Florida, and there’s Tennessee’s coach breaking down the game in a most thrilling, accurate fashion while highlights of Vols beating up on the champion teams plays. It’s great to be a Tennessee Vol!

Pick 'Ems: Championship Edition

Normally I pick the games that jazz me each week. But this isn’t a normal week. This is championship week. And when I visited Dad, he showed me this super secret (but I guess not really a secret; that was just a lazy adjective to use) formula of winnings that will “mess with the BCS” and potentially pit Bama and Florida against each other in the title game. Not that pollsters would let that happen, but to really be the fly in the BCS’s ointment we need:

Alabama to barely beat Florida
Nebraska to beat Texas
Pittsburgh to beat Cincinatti
Clemson to beat Georgia Tech

So I’ll go ahead and pick ‘em that way. Which means I’m predicting three upsets.

I hope that works out for me.

More Job Vacancies

My mourning over this brutal season was premature, it turns out. The following shall be added to our graveyard, despite this not being the traditional day for such proceedings.

1. Several Georgia assisstants, to no one's shock or awe.
2. Kansas's Mangino, though it sounds like he's had it coming.
3. The entire Hofstra football program, because they're more of a lacrosse school. And it's AA/FCS, so no one really cares anyway.

Why Football Matters: Connecting With the Present

My father, like many fathers, is…reserved, shall we say. That’s not to say unloving—not in the least. He just expresses his feelings in the proto-typical masculine ways women must learn to interpret. Though his insistence I make my own decisions and fight my own battles as a teenager have done wonders for my adulthood independence and self reliance, it was difficult for the little girl who wanted to have a knight shield her every now and then. When the insecurities hit, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Does he really love me?”

That changed November 19, 2005. I was a senior in college, and ever since moving to Knoxville, the paternal side of my family had come to a game every other year or so. In 2005, for whatever reason, they secured tickets to the Vandy game.

Actually, I can speculate why they chose that game. Tennessee was having a terrible season. Going in to Thanksgiving, we were sitting at 4-5 and had to win out to get to the post-season. No worries, though. At the time, both Kentucky and Vanderbilt were rubbish and easily beatable. But when the clock hit goose eggs that afternoon, the Vols had fewer points than the ‘Dores.

I cried.

Not sobbing or sniffling. Just a few salt drops descending my wind burnt cheeks.

Dad got a look on his face I haven’t seen before or since. “I’ll never forgive them,” he said, “for making you cry.”

And he’s stuck to it. Not that it’s a song and dance at every mention of Vanderbilt, but we both know. Though last season, he did bring it up again and how much that loss hurt, not because of breaking the bowl streak or anything like that, but because he was hurt that I was hurt.

That was the most protective thing he has ever said to me. I’m confident he’s felt like that in other areas of my life, but football is what allowed him to say it. Those times I start wondering if Dad really cares, I remember that game. Painful as the loss was, what I gained was even better.

Sorry. Didn’t mean to get hippie-trippy, but the sport’s impact on my realstionships is a driving force behind my love for football.

Less dramatic example: examining my cell phone statements shows an increase of activity during ball season. That’s not to say I never call my family outside the Fall, but we’re not a phone-oriented family. Calling ‘just to say hi’ or ‘just to check in’ is awkward at best, uncomfortable at worst. But football gives us a springboard. I talk to my grandmothers every game day because we have to analyze and predict what’s going to happen. Sundays I talk to them and Dad and my friends and sometimes even my grandfathers to rehash, analyze, and (hopefully) celebrate the preceedings. Once that conversation has started, we can segue easily into personal topics. Without football, there’s no social lubricant.

It works the same with friends. There are people who have been dearer to me than anyone at certain points in my life. But we change, or circumstances change, and we drift apart. As dear as they are, we risk losing each other due to not being able to share experiences in the way we formerly did. I’ve lost some relationships that way.

But never my football friends. Communication may lag in the Spring, but there’s no feeling like getting that first victory text of the year, or the phone call ‘Just to get your opinion on the game’ that leads into general catching up. It’s an excuse to call when you don’t necessarily have anything to say and provides a base of common experiences that can prolong the relationship.

Even better, it’s an excuse to visit. My best friend from high school and I drifted apart for myriad reasons, not the least of which was I was in school on one side of the state and she on the other. We made up shortly before her wedding, but the distance and lack of things in common were still a wedge. Football brought us together in spirit, and when they moved to South Bend, the first thing she did was invite me up for a game. Perhaps it sounds callous, but a weekend drive that's seventeen hours round trip to the frozen tundra isn’t really feasible. That’s a huge time commitment, and what would we do? Sharing high school memories will only take us so far. The game was an excuse. Of course I was excited to visit her and would have had fun regardless, but the game day experience gave her a reason to invite me and for me to accept.

Were it not for football, my BFF would have gone two and a half decades without seeing the beach (I suppose that's a defense of the bowl system).

Fostering important relationships is admittedly not a function served only by college football. Not many people will become converts solely because of the relationship factor, though I know several whose entry into fandom was motivated by friendship to a die-hard. Connecting people is merely one component in the overall awesome package, but it is a pretty awesome component.

Roughest Monday Yet

Last year, with its three mid-season firings, was the cruelest coaching season I had ever known.

That was nothing compared to this year, which can be called nothing but brutal.

Though the ousting of Virginia’s Al Groh and Louisville’s Steve Kragthorp are relatively old news by now, today the following coaches can join them as well as Western Kentucky’s David Elson and Memphis’s Tommy West in the 2009 coaching graveyard:

1. Florida State’s Bobby Bowden. The ink wasn’t dry on his forced retirement before coach-in-waiting Jimbo Fisher agreed to the terms of his new contract.
2. Notre Dame’s Charlie Weiss. Although we probably could have sent him here after his loss to USC.

Also, three nameless assistants at Syracuse. Of course, no one cares, but I’d like to add to the body count. Which is six head coaches, for those of you playing at home.

It confused me that back in the day the peasants would respond to, “The King is dead!” with “Long live the king!” He’s dead, right? Turns out that was their way of honoring the past while expressing hope for the peaceful continuance of the royal line and a better future. Whatever my personal feelings for these schools, I request we respect these programs in the traditional way.

“The King is dead!”
“Long live the King!”

SEC! SEC!

At the end of the pre-Christmas holiday weekend, I am most unthankful to have to be returning to work tomorrow (although, thankful that I am employed). I am most heartily thankful for the slew of awesome games we revelers enjoyed. Only one dud (Florida v Florida State), and in almost every case, the correct team won.

I need to take a sidebar here regarding my picks. My 2-6 ATS, 4-4 overall showing is nothing short of disastrous. Any normal week, I’d consider shutting down the Mission. But I’ve got an airtight excuse this week. Even better than last week’s ‘I was sad about UGA’, because this one’s true.

In the spirit of the holidays, I was feeling generous, and somehow got it into my head that ACC champions could beat middlin’ and weak SEC teams. After all, the ACC is legit and also Southern. It’s not like they’re from the WAC or something. It saddened me to pick against my brethren, but one has to be realistic sometimes.

And reality is, the SEC is simply the best. A scrappy South Carolina team on their usual November losing streak and the worst Georgia team in recent memory each beat the best teams their conference could offer. Conversely, one of their middlin’ to bad teams didn’t even put in a showing against our best.

Intercoference records don’t mean much for comparative purposes. Yes, the SEC beats up on each other because we’re so good. But many other conferences do because they’re so bad. It’s hard to prove one way or the other. But when there are three rivalry match-ups from the same conferences, and all the victors are from one conference….that’s a stat it’s difficult to argue with.

Although haters will say that only proves the SEC is better than the ACC. Fair enough. Here’s how we stack up against the BCS conferences:

ACC- 4/2 (Georgia Tech beat our two worst teams)
Big East- n/a (pity)
Big 12- 1/1
Big East- 2/0
PAC 10- 2/1

Southern Play Saves the Day

As Mrs. Lovett says, “Do forgive me if my head’s a little vague.”

I had intended to elaborate on one of my favorite reasons college ball is better than the pros, but then the Iron Bowl happened.

If you’re struggling with getting into college football, this was the game to watch. A huge rivalry game with national implications in which the favored team, ranked #2 in the nation with a lock on a trip to their conference championship, was trailing until, literally, the final minute of the game.

It was living testimony to what makes Southern football the best. Auburn came out with the fancy plays and psychological tricks, but in the end it was the simplicity of pounding out a simple game plan that saved the day.

I could wax eloquent for pages, but truth be told, I’m a little aswim from the game long butterflies and breathtaking excitement of that final quarter.

PS- It’s practically New Year’s with all the resolutions being made in this house. 2/3 of the family is swearing to A) never eat again because they are sooo full and their arteries can’t take any additional clogging and B) never watch another Bama game because their hearts can’t take the excitement. I predict A to be broken within the next hour and B be to broken next week.

Pick 'Ems: Thanksgiving Edition

I’m thankful I’m having to make my predictions a day early, to be ready for all the holiday games.

The Game: Texas v Texas A&M
The Line: Longhorns by 21
I’ll Take: Longhorns by more
The Rationale: Confession: I’ve seen neither Texas nor A&M play this year. But from what I’ve heard, Texas is pretty good. The absence of Aggie talk leads me to believe they’re as lame as ever.

The Game: Alabama v Auburn
The Line: Tide by 13
I’ll Take: Tide by less
The Rationale: Tide wins, not a question. But, it’s the Iron Bowl, and Chizik, being a former staff member, gets the importance. Oh, and Auburn doesn’t totally suck, either.

The Game: Wake Forest v Duke
The Line: Deacons by 4
I’ll Take: Blue Devils in the upset
The Rationale: Eschatologically speaking, since this is not yet the apocalypse God’s warriors cannot yet conquer the servants of Satan. In football news, Duke’s been almost average this year, which is more than can be said for Wake Forest.

The Game: Clemson v South Carolina
The Line: Dead even
I’ll Take: Tigers
The Rationale: Dabo Sweeney is better than Steve Spurrier. Sure, huge rivalry game and I would love to see the SEC triumph, but Clemson has the momentum, and the Gamecocks have past the point of implosion.

The Game: Tennessee v Kentucky
The Line: Vols by 3
I’ll Take: Vols by more
The Rationale: But not much more. This could end up being a really ugly game. Kentucky is the most underrated team in the SEC coming off a momentum swing. UT is thin, beaten up, and winless on the road. However, the return of Janzen Johnson might put a spark in the team. Also, even if Fulmer at his worst could squeak past the Wildcats, surely Kiffin can.


The Game: Mississippi v Mississippi State
The Line: Rebels by 7
I’ll Take: Rebels by more
The Rationale: I had been a hater, but the past two weeks have made a believer that the Rebels will indeed rise again, whether the admin lets them say it or not.

The Game: Florida State v Florida
The Line: Gators by 21
I’ll Take: Gators by less
The Rationale: The only way Bobby Bowden has a prayer at saving his job is to win this game. It still won’t happen.

The Game: Georgia v Georgia Tech
The Line: Jackets by 9.5
I’ll Take: Jackets by more
The Rationale: Doesn’t look like a good day for the SEC when competing with our ACC cousins.

Apologies, Notre Dame

Although the bruise is on Jimmy Clausen’s face, the real gut punch was served to Charlie Weiss by Notre Dame administration.

In a not-so-stunning vote on no confidence, Weiss will not be allowed to stay in California for recruiting purposes, as is customary when their final game of the season is played out west. Furthermore, AD Jack Swarbrick has put the nation on alert for an announcement concerning Weiss’s future.

The only question now is: Who is willing to take on the curse of the Irish?

(I really, really was trying to avoid ragging on Notre Dame today because even though I hate 1) Notre Dame and 2) all the Clausens except Rick, I am saddened by the attack on Jimmy. C’mon folks- yes football is uber-important, especially if you live in a frozen tundra where there’s nothing to do but go to school or the hospital, but c’mon. Actual violent attacks are best left to socialist Europeans who assume they have sole authority to define what “football” means. On the other hand, considering the flaunting of their faux-Irish roots, maybe this is exactly the sort of behavior you’d expect in South Bend.)

How Legends Are Born

“It’s a wonderful story,” Lane Kiffin announced, and the way the Tennessee coach told it, it was.

After playing two dissatisfactory kickers, who combined had three field goals in a row blocked, the Vols were in a powerful hurt. Fortunately, former UT kicker and current staff member James Wilhoit remembered former walk-on Devin Mathis.

Mathis had spent the Spring semester studying in Mexico. Upon his return to Knoxville, he eschewed the team in favor of enjoying life as a regular student.

But Wilhoit tracked him down, dragged him from a fraternity’s toga party, and introduced him to the new special teams coordinator, Eddie Gran. Gran was so impressed with Mathis, he told Kiffin that Mathis could be the answer.

“Has he ever kicked in a game?” Kiffin questioned.
“No,” Gran admitted.
“Does he have any kicking experience?” the head coach pressed.
“…No, but he needs to go in,” Gran insisted.

So it was written, so it was done. Though no miracles were asked of the Junior kicker in his first start, he kicked a solid game, which is more than could be said of the previous starters.

Perhaps this wasn’t the quintessential Cinderella, but it’s appealing to think of Prince Wilhoit wandering campus to find the one special kicker whom the cleat would fit, and the overlooked hero proving his mettle to the fairy godmother disguised as Coach Gran.

That’s probably why Kiffin it tells that way.

Mathis himself tells a different story, more along the lines of The Brave Little Tailor. According to him, he’d watched the Vols struggle until he could stand it no more, and sought out Gran of his own accord. After three weeks of practice, he was given four hours notice the job was his.

Personally, I prefer Mathis’s version with the moxy and chutzpah, but even if you prefer Kiffin’s glossy, romanticized version, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is the grain of truth: a young man worked hard, and in the end was rewarded.

Tennessee football has a history of maligned players being pushed to the breaking point, but becoming beloved figures of the program. Most recently, Rick Clausen, Eric Ainge, and even Johnathan Crompton have risen from the ashes. Though Mathis never faced the pressure and scrutiny of the aforementioned quarterbacks, his summary of the situation embodies the Volunteer spirit: “I think it just shows if you’re the man for the job and you’ll put in the time and effort, they’ll use you somehow.”

(A shout out to my primary sources: the November 22nd edition of the Lane Kiffin Show and a Tennessean article.)

Almost-Fired Monday

No one actually got fired this week, but perhaps they should have.

1. Charlie Weiss. It’s almost not any fun ragging on Notre Dame anymore. Key word: almost. I can’t wait to find out which coach is going to fail at South Bend next. And because of his protestations, I believe Urban Meyer won’t leave Florida. Just like Tubberville wasn’t leaving Ole Miss and Saban wasn’t leaving the Dolphins.

2. Les Miles. Has he ever watched football before? Ignoring the myriad coaching decisions he made that led up to the one second snap, in what universe is it physically possible for
a. the center to snap the ball
b. the quarterback to catch the ball
c. the quarterback to establish possession
d. the quarterback to spike the ball to the ground
e. the ball to hit the ground
f. the ref to react
g. the clock to stop
in one second? I still maintain LSU has the better team; I forgot to consider Ole Miss has a better coaching staff.

3. Me. 1-4 against the spread, 3-2 overall? I blame it on my post-UGA grief.

Lane Kiffin: Mouth of the South

Lane Kiffin is famous for his mouth. Not only does he have a tendency to run it, the edges are always turned down into a perma-smirk, if not downright scowl. No matter how close the expected loss or how great the win, the world will be treated to the frown that says, "We've got work to do."

That changed one Saturday in November. It appeared the Vols would sneak by hapless Vandy with a 24-16 win. Not only had the defense played poorly, the refs had called two huge penalties so blatantly not supported by video evidence even the commentators expressed puzzlement; Kiffin's feelings regard poor officiating are all ready on record. The game would go down in the victory column, but no one in Neyland Stadium was feeling victorious, least of all dour Coach Kiffin.

In the final few moments of the game, the defense was holding its own and fans were preparing for a Vandy punt so the Vols could run out the clock. Suddenly, Wes Brown intercepted the Commodore quarterback's third down pass and ran it in 30 yards for a touchdown, ultimately vaulting Tennessee to a 31-16 victory.

Kiffin smiled. He also bounced down the sideline, pumping his fist in the air, knocking over his own quarterback, Johnathan Crompton, in the process. Blame it on his youth if you will, but the Tennessee sideline has never seen so jubilant a celebration from a coach.

It was over quickly, and by the time the extra point was declared good, his deadpan expression had snuck back on. But Vol fans got an early Christmas present. Not only did this game clinch their bowl bid, they witnessed a rare glimpse of happiness from their young coach.

Kiffin smiles (skip to the 1:14 mark).

Pick 'Ems: All Cat Upset Edition

Picking all the games that jazz me each week.

Last week I came in at 4-3 against the spread, but 6-1 overall. Not bad, I'd say.

The Game: Ohio State v Michigan
The Line: Ohio State by 13
I’ll Take: Buckeyes by more
The Rationale: Much like the Tenessee/Florida series, what used to be a totally fun, really important game has been reduced to an Easter egg without the chocolate inside. Buckeyes win, and no one will care.

The Game: Vanderbilt v Tennessee
The Line: Vols by 18
I’ll Take: Vols by more
The Rationale: The Commodores’ ship sank about four minutes into the season, and the though Vol Navy is weathering some rough seas, the Vols will come through. Yes, this Vandy’s bowl game, and yes in the past they’ve kept it close in the past. But the times they are a’changing: 1) Vanderbilt is terrible this year, where in recent seasons they’ve merely been no good, and 2) Kiffin isn’t afraid to score points, nor will he sent a field-goal lead (not that we’ll be making any field goals. Just go with the comparison, ok?).

The Game: Kentucky v Georgia
The Line: Bulldogs by 7.5
I’ll Take: Wildcats in the upset
The Rationale: Georgia is still in mourning for UGA VII and still maligned by a coaching staff that can’t inspire its players to anything better than shoddy play. The Wildcats are still the most underrated team in the conference and eyeing for a better bowl than the Music City. Also, I hate Georgia and the football gods owe me for scheduling Tennessee’s season closer as a night game for which I all ready have plans.

The Game: California v Stanford
The Line: Cardinals by 8
I’ll Take: Cardinals by more
The Rationale: The Christmas Trees are in peak season. And the PAC-10 will be in a major mess if this happens.

The Game: LSU v Mississippi
The Line: Rebels by 3
I’ll Take: Tigers in the upset
The Rationale: How is Ole Miss favored? Sure they demolished the Vols last week, but they’ve been inconsistent all season. Meanwhile, LSU has been consistently just-good-enough-to-win-unless-the-game-was-fixed.

Rest in Cheering

I was in mourning yesterday over the sudden death of UGA VII, otherwise known as Loren’s Best. His demise was due to a heart condition, known in the non-medical world as embarrassment.

I apologize. I should not mock the passing of one sport’s ugliest and most spoiled mascots. Seriously, his portable, sidelined doghouse has better climate control than my apartment.


It’s in the passing of their mascots that the Bulldogs betray their British roots. UGA VII will be entombed in the Sanford Stadium’s mausoleum, next to his father, who is beside his own father, who is beside his own father, and so on. But the identity of UGA VIII remains unknown. An interim mascot will take the sideline for the season’s final game, but UGA’s owner’s daughter assures us, “There’s lineage out there we can depend on in unforeseen circumstances such as this.”

What circumstances? Either UGA VII contributed his genes to a litter with an oldest male pup, or he didn’t. Unless, as often happens with royals, there was some philandering on the side and the paternity of his offspring is in question. Or perhaps there’s an illegitimate claimant who has a solid case for the title. Or….

Ok, perhaps he really just doesn’t have any heirs. But then, who is next in line? His nephew? Or…gasp…could we have our first female UGA?

While I’m left to ponder the complexities of a mascot’s line of succession, I’ll leave you with this delightfully droll remembrance from his owner, Sonny Seiler:

“UGA was not as active or mischevious as his father but more distinguished. He realized his role when he put his shirt on. He was well-behaved and understood the importance of his role.” (Translation: I don’t have any awesome stories about him like I do UGA V, he has no distinctions like UGA VI, and he was pretty unsuited to representing the rabid passion of our fans. He was the Queen Jane of mascots.)

It's Just Different Down Here

I was speaking with a co-worker over lunch today and the topic of football was broached. She went to Nebraska and was excited that if they win their game this weekend, they’ll be going to the Big 12 championship (even though she doesn’t know who they’re playing. That’s a rather important detail, dontcha think? I also mentioned one of my first football memories involved the Cornhuskers slaughtering my Vols in Peyton Manning’s last game. “Oh yeah,” she said. “I’d forgotten about that.” Really? That’s practically the last good year your school has had, they beat a QB who went on to become an NFL star, and you forget?) and reminisced about game day out there. “There’s red everywhere, everyone’s out. I was in last weekend and I watched the game on the party bus.” Clearly she enjoyed her time there, and even though her description was a mite generic, it sounded like a decent tailgating spot.

She continued, “But I’m not near as knowledgeable as you, though.”

I tried to be comforting and humble, but I'm afraid I just came off as condescending. “I’m from the SEC. It’s just different down here.”

BCS Earns Its Initials

I love the bowl system. It’s utterly unique to college football, allows fans to watch almost a solid month of good games, and is traditional. And I love the fact that every game matters.

But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t favor a play-off system. With play-offs we would still get a lot of games, and of an even higher quality. With the bonus of less whining from teams who have gotten shut out from a chance at the big trophy. Our national championship game might even get recognized by the NCAA (fun fact: according to them, FBS football does not crown a champion at the end of the season).

Sure, I would miss that ‘every week a season’ feeling, but a play-off could fix football in two ways. First, it would help teams that have an unevenly distributed strength of schedule by removing the kiss of death late losses. And it would even out the strength of schedule dilemma. A team that makes it to the play-offs by scheduling cupcakes will be at a disadvantage in terms of being prepared for actual competition. That’s a trade-off I can live with.

The only thing we would miss, ostensibly, would be the tradition. But who’s going to cry over the loss of the MPC Computer Bowl (other than the MPC Corporation)? Rose Bowl, yes. Sugar Bowl, yes. GMAC Bowl? Not so much. Incorporate the established bowls into the playoffs, and it’s all groovy.

Of course that won’t happen. Bowls were created way back in the ‘20’s specifically to bring tourists into town. They were founded for economic reasons and will persist because of that. Frustrating, but thus is the way of the world.

Instead of admitting that and moving on, the BCS commissioners put forth absolutely asinine and flimsy defenses of their perverted system. Newly appointed executive director Bill Hancock is the latest blatant flouter of common sense.

He said: A lot of the frustration with the BCS is because people don't understand it.
I say: You mean because you change the formula behind hidden doors in a manner so offensive one of the sports’ most respected polls has refused to let you continue using it? Also, how is having a system so complicated even the majority of die hard fans can’t explain it a point in its favor? I love statistics, but I shouldn’t have to have a degree in it to figure out who plays the best football. That should be settled on the field.

He said: The fact is a playoff would be as contentious or more contentious than what we have now.
I say: How? How could it possibly be more contentious that what we have now? “As contentious” I can almost give him, because there will always be someone just at the cut-off that will feel left out. But anyone who has paid the slightest bit of attention since 1998 will know it is impossible to design a more contentious system. Even randomly drawing names from a hat would be less contentious than the BCS.

He said: A playoff is just not right for college football.
I say: Ok, I also use “college football” as shorthand for Division IA/FBS college football. However, I am not representing an actual athletic institution that is required to understand and note the distinction. Every other level of college football, including Division I-AA, uses a playoff system. Or are they just doing things “wrong”?

He said: If you compare [the BCS] to the NFL or an NCAA tournament bracket, it's frustrating. But if you look at it through the prism of preserving the bowl system, fitting the academic calendar, you'll come to the position that this is the best way to do it.
I say: I appreciate he appreciates our frustration. I do not appreciate the lies he uses to defend the practice. Previously he’s admitted to having seen more than 1,000 proposals for a play-off system. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts a few of them use the bowls. Playoffs and the bowls are like science and religion: they don’t have to be adversaries, but can rather be used in tandem to make both better. Also, I refer him back to the point that every other level of college ball, and even other IA sports, have a playoff system. They also have the same academic calendar.

Can I give you some advice, Mr. Hancock? Man up, admit y’all love the money. After all, the unbridled pursuit of financial gain is the American way, and only apple pie and baseball are more American than football.

Another Rough Monday

It seems like every Monday, two more guys lose their jobs. This week former Tennessee Vols Nukeese Richardson and Mike Williams have been sent packing for their role in an attempted robbery.

It's quite sad that these freshmen made such an unfortunate decision. They were both promising talents, but Kiffin is absolutely correct when he states, "Clearly, their actions have no place in our program."

If Phillip Fulmer had figured that out, he might still be with us today. Instead, Tennessee was in danger of becoming a second Miami with all the failed drug tests, DUIs, assaults, and arrests for other, undisclosed reasons. We had the most talented, most out of control players in the nation. That translated into crushing defeats and losing seasons.

Kiffin's record thus far demonstrates it's better to have less talented but disciplined players than a five star recruit headed to a future in prison. As sad as I am to see these young men leave Rocky Top, I applaud Kiffin for doing what's "in the best interest of our program."

That takes courage Fulmer never had.

Humdrum Season Paves the Way

The 2009 SEC season is a script that has been played out before. Perhaps the coaches’ off field battles and minor controversies are compensating for a lack of on field action. After all, Florida has remained #1 the entire season, just as the prognosticators predicted. Their rematch against Alabama in the SEC championship game has been a sure thing since September. The rebuilding teams are showing the inconsistent improvement fans expected, the overhyped media darling (this year played by Ole Miss) crumbled under expectations, and South Carolina jumped to a promising start only to suffer a string of late season defeats. One might question why they bothered watching this season.

Any fan who chose to sit this one out will surely regret it. They would have missed the season in which Alabama’s field goal kicker broke school records for all-time scoring. They would have missed some of the wackiest fumble recoveries in recent memory. And they would have missed the unimaginable decline of Florida’s super-quarterback Tim Tebow.

However, one cannot dismiss the importance of the off field shenanigans. Though not every team is rebuilding, the league as a whole is. SEC performances on the national stage have gotten more press recently, even though this decade has seen the slip of the pageantry and spectacle that places this conference among the college football elite. With the loss of parity in conference play, the Iron Bowl, the World’s Largest Cocktail Party, and even the Third Saturday in October had begun to lose their importance.

In this season, the intensity of old rivalries has been revived, and the myriad young players and fresh coaching staffs are paving the way for the next few seasons to be some of the most exciting yet. Despite the lack of huge upsets and rearranging standings, almost every team has shown the potential to be a contender for the 2010 December championship. One predictable season is a small price to pay for what is to come.

A Non-conference Moment: Idaho

The WAC just gained some credibility.

Idaho’s athletic director was headed down to Boise to do some fundraising, per his job description. Unfortunately, the plane was decked out in rival Boise State’s colors. Rather than suffer the humiliation of being surrounded by the hideous combination of blue and orange (all blue and orange teams are worthy of contempt), he drove ninety miles north to catch a neutral flight.

But that’s not all. He’s also refusing to fly Horizon Air until they create an Idaho themed aircraft. Never mind the majority of flyers would be concerned such a plane would crash as quickly as the Vandals’ annual bowl hopes.

But…wow. That’s some hardcore hatred. Or a publicity stunt. Either way, that is worthy of the SEC.

Pick 'Ems: Three Upset Edition

Picking all the games that jazz me each week.

The Game: Tennessee v Mississippi
The Line: Rebels by 3.5
I’ll Take: Vols in the upset
The Rationale: And not just because they’re my team. I’ve called this since four minutes after our loss to Bama. UT is really hitting their stride, and Ole Miss…isn’t. The loss of some star freshmen might make the game closer, but I have confidence that our staff will put the team in a position to win.

The Game: Florida State v Wake Forest
The Line: Demon Deacons by 6
I’ll Take: Florida State in the upset
The Rationale: They owe me. I vow to pick them until they win. (Not really. I vow to pick them until I realize how horribly it’s messing with accuracy. Which could be a while.)

The Game: Clemson v NC State
The Line: Tigers by 4.5
I’ll Take: Tigers by more
The Rationale: I love the Wolfpack, so it hurts me so much to pick against them. But Clemson’s hot, and they’re not. Sigh.

The Game: Kentucky v Vanderbilt
The Line: Wildcats by 3
I’ll Take: Wildcats by more
The Rationale: This used to be the epic battle of the SEC nobodies. But Kentucky is the most underrated team in the league, and Vandy is even worse than usual.

The Game: Florida v South Carolina
The Line: Gators by 15
I’ll Take: the line
The Rationale: Florida’s not all that and a bag a chips, but the Gamecocks can’t even muster to being a bag of chips. This should be a horrific blowout. But has Florida blown out any conference opponents? Uncharacteristically, I don’t think the Spurrier/Florida controversy will play into it because 1) it happened so long ago, 2) USC is no threat in any races, and 3) there are some things even a great rivalry can’t overcome. Being South Carolina is one of them.

The Game: Alabama v Mississippi State
The Line: Tide by 14
I’ll Take: the line
The Rationale: I’m tempted to say Bama by more, but the Bulldogs are squirrelly. We’ll have to see.

The Game: Auburn v Georgia
The Line: Dawgs by 4.5
I’ll Take: Tigers in the upset
The Rationale: Seriously? I mean, sure Auburn looked horrible last week. But Georgia has looked horrible all season.

Really, Notre Dame?

Navy beat Notre Dame, again, and there was much rejoicing. Except in South Bend, of course. Weiss has wisely kept mum, but not his other coaches. Corwin Brown has gotten all bent out of shape about Ken Niumatalolo, Navy’s head coach, and his post game comments, denouncing them with such harsh language as “very disappointing.”

Down South, "very disappointing” comments are along the lines of ‘Ha, ha, you got majorly spanked,’ or, ‘Well, they’re going to a crappy bowl this year,’ or 'I can’t believe their player tried to stab our player during that third down right in front of the ref and there wasn’t a flag.’

Up North, it’s apparently beyond the pale to point out the other team has made zero adjustments in the off season.

Yep. All Coach Niumatalolo said was, “I think the thing that helped us this year was last year because we knew that they'd line up the same way."

Hey Brown…you know that’s not a secret, right? And that people are allowed to state facts without fear of retribution, right?

On the other hand, if this is the whining standard expected of Irish coaches, Urban Meyer will fit right in.

(And yes, I wrote about this to avoid the actually disappointing news: Tennessee’s three best freshmen have been accused of an attempted armed robbery. And things had been going so well on Rocky Top.)

Why Football Matters: Free Your Mind

Football has made me a better person.

As my journey on the road to becoming a football nut indicates, I used to be a snob.

Who am I kidding? I’m still a snob.

Or rather, have snobby tendencies. But I’ve learned some key lessons in the last eight years. Obviously the old cliché never say never, or you can’t know what the future holds.

More importantly, I’ve learned to look below the surface. I let my jealousy and ignorance dismiss a sizable portion of the population. I assumed football was nothing more but meatheads chasing pigskin and its fans were people who couldn’t appreciate more elegant forms of entertainment. I was dead wrong on both counts.

Since then, I’ve filtered everything through a dialectical lens. Politics is just as polarizing as the sports/non-sports divide. Instead of pigheadedly making up my mind on an issue and jumping to denouncing the opposition, as I used to, I’ll try to see where they’re coming from. People don’t pick opinions out of thin air just to irritate me, but have reasons for their position that should be considered. I don’t always change my mind on an issue, but at least I can see where the other side is coming from.

I’m even eating healthier. Football was a ‘try it, you might like it’ proposition, just like eating veggies is. I’m still not choosing broccoli given my druthers, but I’m sticking with it, just like I had to when learning NCAA rulebook.

By putting aside my knee jerk reactions, I’ve been introduced to a world full of richer, more meaningful experiences. Perhaps I would have learned how to do so in some other way, but football expedited the process. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Personality Profiles: William Martin

Usually, the personalities that pepper this blog are Southern. And coaches, with the occasional out of control commissioner. I’ve got ideas for profiling a few quarterbacks who took a cue from Sleeping Beauty (without the beauty part, sadly).

Today’s tale includes someone who is none of those things. He is Michigan’s athletic director, William Martin. He’s kept a low profile in the nine years since taking the Wolverine’s reins (of course, I probably would too had I been responsible for hiring Rich Rodriguez). He’s a member of all sorts of boards and committees, including the U.S. Olympic committee. Michigan is one of the few programs to show a budget surplus in the past few seasons, which might owe something to what he learned while earning a graduate economics degree in Stockholm, Sweden. Perhaps seeking warmer weather, he also obtained an MBA from the University of Michigan. He’s worked in the private business sector, and in his spare time enjoys sailing and assaulting student workers.

Ok, the last one is an exaggeration. However, he doesn’t always use the best judgment when asked to show I.D. before entering VIP areas of Michigan Stadium. When one student asked for the proper pass, he condescended, “Honey, I’m the athletic director,” and pushed right past her. On another occasion, he grabbed the worker’s jacket and said, “I can go in, I’m the athletic director.”

Say what you will about the drama we stir up down south. At least we keep our hands to ourselves.

It does seem a bit incredulous these students would be unable to recognize the big cheese. After all, I can spot Mike Hamilton from sixty yards away (his uncanny resemblance to a Muppet does help, I’ll admit). Then again, I have no idea what my director of schools looks like. My administrators even showed us pictures so we could identify him lest he unexpectedly appear. I still couldn’t recognize him in a line up.

Regardless of the shoulda’s, Martin has apologized for the incidents. He has also stated, “Being the Michigan AD is not just a job, it’s a way of life…”

Oh, honey. That’s not just Michigan. That’s all of football.

Rough Weekend

Coincidentally, I’m writing again about fired coaches. This weekend David Elson learned he will not be at Western Kentucky for an eighth season, and Memphis will be without Tommy West for the first time since 2000.

Now maybe I don’t have room to talk. I’m an SEC fan, and we’re notorious for kicking coaches to the curb at seemingly slight provocations, like not winning the national championship every year. And my school of choice just fired one of the most successful coaches in college ball. I did disagree with that decision—I thought it was three season too late. So I’m not in the least gun shy about coaching changes.

But I question the Hilltoppers. Elson has been mightily successful at their school. His record shows a dip in recent seasons, but WKU was trying to angle itself into the big league. Those losses were mostly coming from Division I schools. This is his first season playing all IA teams. That’s a huge transition, and though I luckily can’t imagine the pain of sitting at 0-9, I would have liked to see what Elson could do with this experience under his belt.

West gets no such leniency from me, however. He did good things for the Tigers, but he’s slipping.

I also wonder how advantageous announcing the intended changes mid-season, especially since coaches will maintain their duties through the last game. From the outside looking in, it does seem cruel and any morale boost to the fan base will be negated by the morale bust to the staff and players. However, I understand the motivation. It takes a while to hire a new coach—time that coach needs to hire his own staff, recruit, and have a game plan ready for spring practice. Tennessee definitely benefitted from having Kiffin in place the first week of December, and Memphis has all ready thrown out names of coaches they’re courting. Not to mention the fact we’re expecting several more vacancies at the end of the season. Memphis and WKU will have a jump on securing the most attractive candidates. It may be cruel, but that’s the way it is.

Not that these coaching changes matter. Neither team will ever be competitive. Remember South Florida’s first season in the BCS and how they shot up to #2? And then they crashed ne’er to be heard from again? There may be 120 FBS programs, but fewer than thirty will ever matter.

Weekend Updates

I went 3/5 in Division I picks. Not too bad, considering I've never included the line in my predictions.

More importantly, Slive did fine Urban Meyer after all. However, a pretty obvious LSU interception in their game against Alabama was ruled an incomplete pass. Many times those are subjective calls, but the Tiger left skid marks on the field, folks. Not a difficult decision. I was pulling for Bama, but I really wish the right call had been made because we will never hear the end of the Slive Conspiracy.

(By the way, if you want a giggle, check our Rogers Redding—the SEC’s coordinator of officials—comments regarding the whole shebang. First, “he said the league officiating overall has been on par with other seasons.” I completely agree. SEC officiating has been terrible for years. But he continues, “This is not broke…It doesn’t need fixing.” Of course it doesn’t. The top teams keep winning. This guy really needs to choose his words more carefully. Citation. )

Not only does the call dampen the integrity of Bama’s victory, it’s made for a rather boring title race. Although the rebuilding teams provide exciting storylines every week, Florida and Alabama could have reserved their Atlanta hotel rooms in September. After this week’s game, my Bammer sister was understandably excited, but I just couldn’t share her enthusiasm. It was like the Snape mystery from Harry Potter; you read the entire series anticipating some awesome explanation, but your tenacity is rewarded only with the most obvious resolution. A Gator/Tide rematch is anti-climatic and not terribly exciting.

Neither is yet another Gator national championship. So I urge everyone to pull for Bama on December 5th. The SEC needs a dash of on field spice to complement their off the field antics.

New Coaches, New Records?

The SEC has been a coaching carousel in the past few seasons. Out of the twelve members, nine have replaced their head coaches in the past four years. A popular option for replacing coaches is to hire a former SEC coach who all ready understands the special pressures of heading a southern football program. This has worked especially well for Alabama but has given South Carolina and Ole Miss mixed results. This year, three schools have chosen to reach outside the conference, or even to candidates with no head coaching experience. Going in to the final stretch of the season, how are these non-traditional hires working out?


The first coach forced out was Tennessee’s Phillip Fulmer. Despite a ranking among the most winningest active coaches, numerous SEC titles, and a national championship on his resume, in an early November press conference, he announced he would not be returning for the 2009 season. Though the rest of the nation questioned the ousting of a veritable institution such as Fulmer, Vol Nation was irate over the increasing number of losses against ranked opponents, disappointing play in the post-season, and the possibility of a second losing season in just three years. Not all fans agreed removing the head coach was the answer, but everyone met the announcement of his replacement with a raised eyebrow.


Lane Kiffin had no college head coach experience and his most recent job was as head coach of the dismal Oakland Raiders. Though he had impressive results as offensive coordinator at Southern Cal, his instant stirring of the hornet’s nest eliminated any goodwill that could be gleaned from his past. However, he has been able to back up his talk with victories and close losses against the nation’s top teams. More importantly, he has brought the swagger back to Rocky Top and energized the fan base. The Vols agree athletic director Mike Hamilton brought an upgrade to the program.


Tommy Tuberville’s resignation was announced immediately after the 2008 season. He had led the Tigers to an SEC championship, a perfect season in which the Tigers should have competed for the national championship, and numerous bowl victories. However, he tried to fix what wasn't broken by installing a new offensive scheme. The failure of players and staff to adjust quickly enough led Auburn to its first losing season since 1992. Not even his winning record against arch-rival Bama could save him.


His replacement raised as many questions as his firing. Few had heard of Gene Chizik, a former Auburn defensive coordinator who was currently on the hot seat at Iowa State. Tiger fans were outraged the administration would hire a coach who had just gone 2-10 at a minor Big 12 school. Chizik quickly silenced his critics with a 5-0 start and gave them room to talk with a three game losing streak. In his latest conference game, his team decisively beat Ole Miss, but the season ending Iron Bowl will reveal his ability to hold his own in the SEC. The jury will remain out until all the evidence is in.


Sylvester Croom voluntarily resigned from Mississippi State after the most lopsided against Ole Miss in history. Though everyone was sad to see him go, no one could say it wouldn’t be better to give someone else a chance. Croom had coached in some huge upsets, including two against the Florida Gators, and done well considering the difficult of recruiting in Starkville, but he still had a lone winning season. The Bulldogs hired Florida’s offensive coordinator, Dan Mullen. His style has given the team a spark, but they’re still sitting at 4-5 and in imminent danger of yet another losing season. This appears to be a lateral move.


It has been posited the shelf life of a college football coach is ten years; the statistics give credence to this theory. If this is indeed Mark Richt’s final season at Georgia, as many believe it is, Damon Evans will have to weigh the advantages and risks of a non-traditional hire.

Fun Fact: Boozer Pitt

One of my favorite television series, the BBC’s House of Cards trilogy, included a character with the wonderfully twee name of Sir Geoffery Booza-Pitt. I presumed it was a wink-wink at some of the pretentious monikers that have populated England throughout the centuries.

Turns out Auburn had a coach with the Southernized version: Boozer Pitts.

Ok, maybe this fact isn’t so fun since I can give you the sum total of information available about him in a sentence shorter than this clause: in the seasons he coached (1923-1924 and 1927), he posted a 7-11-6 record.

Still, mark it down on your list of Best Southern Football Names.

Pick 'Ems: Florida State Upset

Picking all the games that jazz me each week.

The Game: South Carolina vs Arkansas
The Line: Razorbacks by 4.5
I’ll Take: Razorbacks by more
The Rationale: Arkansas has given Florida a bigger scare than almost anyone else this season. As for South Carolina…well, their record is deceiving. There schedule has been weak up until recently, and it’s that time of year for the Gamecocks to implode anyway. It should be Arkansas by a landslide, but it’s the SEC and wacky things happen. This’ll be closer than it should be, but the West will win in the end.

The Game: Brown vs Yale
The Line: Do they even put them out for the ivies?
I’ll Take: Bulldogs
The Rationale: I don’t know nothin’ about the current state of the original conference, but I have an inexplicable love of Yale. And I have an inexplicable dislike of Brown. So there we go.

The Game: Navy vs Notre Dame
The Line: Fighting Irish by 11
I’ll Take: Fighting Irish by more
The Rationale: But I won’t be at all sad if Navy upsets them again. Oh, the rationale proper would be: big rivalry game, so Navy keeps it close, but Notre Dame is improved this season, so there we go.

The Game: LSU vs Alabama
The Line: Alabama by 10
I’ll Take: Exactly what Vegas says
The Rationale: LSU has Chavis as their defensive coordinator, meaning they’ll give up 70% of their third and longs. Bama is really good at getting to third and long. Also, the Tide has more to play for.

The Game: Memphis vs Tennessee
The Line: Vols by 26
I’ll Take: The Vols by less
The Rationale: “Vicki, don’t ever trust Memphis,” Dad has often told me. “I’ll never forget the 1996 game with Peyton Manning. We were supposed to win the national championship that year, and they beat us at home!” Indeed, those Tigers are a wily bunch, even if they’re sitting at 2-6. And it’ll be a much bigger game for them than for us. Still, Memphis is no match for Kiffin-era Tennessee.

The Game: Florida State vs Clemson
The Line: Tigers by 9.5
I’ll Take: Seminoles in the upset
The Rationale: No good one; just a feeling in my bones.

Southern Football = Awesome: Gag Order Edition

This is why the SEC is the best conference in the nation.

Forget we dominate on the field, have the most intense legacies, lead the nation in attendance records…I could go on and on.

It all boils down to our hiring of the best coaches. And not just because of legends like the Bear, General Neyland, and, even Spurrier.

Our coaches put on a show like no other.

There will be further posts on this I’m sure, but I must comment on ESPN College Football’s front page article from this afternoon which includes the hook:

Eye-gouging. Suspensions. Criticizing officials. Revised suspensions.
Chippy coaches. The SEC is never boring.

Oh boy, are they ever right. If you’ve missed the fireworks that started last year between Kiffin and…well, just about everyone, but mostly Coach Urban Meyer and Commissioner Mike Slive, you missed a treat. However, it’s not too late to catch you up on the latest scandal. I’ll take you through this step by step.

1. An SEC officiating crew calls an excessive celebration personal foul against #14 Georgia in their game against #4 LSU. The Bulldogs had just scored a touchdown, putting them one point ahead of the Tigers with only one minute left in the game. Though we can’t ever prove this was the deciding factor, that penalty gave LSU such advantageous field position they scored a touchdown with 30 seconds left. A thrilling game marred by a ticky-tack penalty.
2. The outcry of that penalty is so strong, SEC commissioner Mike Slive is forced to admit there is no video evidence to support the penalty.
3. Two weeks later, the exact same officiating crew pulls almost the exact same stunt against unranked Arkansas in their game against #1 Florida.
4. The outcry is so heated Slive actually has to suspend the crew for a month. Nonetheless, rumors start floating. Though no one suggests the games are fixed, some begin to wonder if the top ranked teams are getting some ‘help’ to stay top ranked.
5. Arkansas Coach Bobby Petrino expresses his ire regarding the officiating. Slive sends him a reprimand.
6. The next week, #1 Florida meets hapless, and unranked, Mississippi State. In the fourth quarter Florida intercepts the ball and ostensibly runs it in for a touchdown. However, instant replay demonstrates the ball was stripped before it crossed the plane. The officials review the play and confirm a touchdown anyway. Bulldog Coach Dan Mullen opines that call is “unexcusable” and that “[he] hope[s] [the official] is severely punished.” His team had lost 23-20.
7. At the same time, officials were blowing calls in unranked Tennessee’s game against #2 Alabama, according to Lane Kiffin after his 12-10 loss. When asked why he chose to attempt a field goal on the final play of the game, despite the fact the kicker had only made one out of three attempts in the game, he said he didn’t want to run another play and risk drawing a penalty. “I wasn’t going to let the refs lose the game for us there and some magical flag appear,” he added, referencing the fact the least penalized team in the SEC (UT) had been flagged at a ratio of 8:1 that game.
8. Mike Slive sends Mullen and Kiffin reprimands. Kiffin had expected to receive “one of those letters that doesn’t mean anything.”
9. After a three point loss to Army, Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson jumps on the bandwagon, stating, “[The officials] called a pick play on us. It was a bad call.”
10. The fanbase gets in a bigger tizzy than any of the coaches. Nothing had occurred in the last three weeks to dispel the idea that maybe the refs were playing favorites. Some even insinuated Slive and Florida Coach Urban Meyer were in bed together, metaphorically speaking (we hope).
11. Slive pitches a hissy fit of epic proportions, effectively placing a gag order on coaches. He decrees anyone who maligns an officiating crew would be fined or suspended without the benefit of a warning or reprimand. Everyone knows this rule was basically aimed at Lane Kiffin, who had been reprimanded once before. In the off season, Kiffin had accused Meyer—of all people—of cheating during the recruiting process.
12. The next week at the World’s Largest Cocktail Party (ie- #1 Florida vs unranked Georgia), a Florida player—coincidentally named Spikes—deliberately rammed his fingers through a Georgia player’s visor in an attempt to “gouge his eyes.” Although fully evident to viewers at home (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDOy-RMIpF0), perhaps the officials can be given a break for not catching it on the field. That still does nothing to soften the conspiracy theories.
13. When Meyer is confronted with the evidence and outrage, he suspends Spikes for half a game. Against Vanderbilt. The SEC does nothing.

A quick time out to make sure you’re following this logic. Gouge out someone’s eye, be suspended for half a game. Criticize an official, be suspended indefinitely.

We need to pause here anyway, because what happens next is so terrifically awesome. Brace yourself.

14. Meyer criticizes the officiating. He beat Georgia 41-17, got away with the eye-gouging, and he still whines the refs didn’t call a late hit on quarterback Tim Tebow. “That should have been a penalty…” he opines. “Obviously, it should have been…It’s right in front of the referee.”

So that bear trap Slive set for his nemesis, Lane Kiffin? Slive’s bestie Meyer walked right into it instead. Hilarious.

Except for the part where Slive went back on his word and no punishment of any kind was levied against the Florida coach. Still, there is egg all over both their faces, and that’s the most we plebian fans can expect.

As much fun as all this drama was, there’s a bit of sad mixed in as well. Remember Spikes and his half game suspension? He asked Meyer to give him a full game suspension. How pathetic is it a college kid has to tell a grown man the penalty wasn’t harsh enough?

Alas, the season is more than half over. But stay tuned, because the coaching antics never will be.

Why Football Matters: Connecting with the Past

If you asked me for my first football memory, I would lie. I would not mention my first vague, toddler impressions of the adults gathered around small-by-today’s-standards televisions, or sitting next to my uncle at Bryant-Denny waiting for kick-off against Louisiana Tech while a Smashing Pumpkins tune blared a few years later. I would skip these in favor of January 2, 1998.

The family had gathered at Mammy’s to scream their heads off about a stupid ball game. I chose to read in the spare bedroom, though the cheers could be heard throughout the house. When I snucks into the living room for some Rotel and Pigs in a Blanket, I almost getting whacked in the head by my mother.

You see, Momma was a nervous fan; she channeled her hopeful energy into pacing, jumping, and touchdown dancing. To her, all the players were buddy. “C’mon buddy,” she would plead in her resplendent Southern drawl, willing players across the first down marker. If her request was successful, you could count on hopping and flailing of arms.

For some reason, this game was more intense than most. The family was even less responsive to my presence than usual, and Momma’s movements made me fear for my safety. I fled back to my sanctuary.

Afterwards, I recall everyone’s dejected mood and some chatter about “Peyton Manning.”

Now I know that was the Orange Bowl, and Tennessee had a chance at being national champions that year. Instead, they were slaughtered 41-17 in the famous quarterback’s last college game and ended an otherwise stellar season on a sour note.

It was also the last game Momma ever saw. She suffered fatal injuries in a car accident twenty-three days later.

Three years later, upon my growing interest in football, I noticed something. I paced during games. I jumped, hopped, and danced. I urged the players on with “C’mon honeybun,” or even “C’mon buddy.” I had turned into my mother.

It took some time for me to stop feeling self-conscious about my behavior. Was it some sort of psychological complex? Would this devolve into some creepy Norman Bates scenario? Was this learned or genetic or coincidental or all of the above? The world may never know.

These days when I catch myself acting like Momma, I take some comfort in it. Even though she never knew me as a football fan, it’s as if we’re able to connect in those moments. Those games are the closest substitute to watching a full game with her I’ll ever have. No other activity has been able to channel those feelings of grief into something so positive.

All sports at some level encourage general and personal connections to the past. Fans become enveloped in the collective traditions and legacies of their teams-- teams which inevitably leave political and cultural marks in their cities and states. Most have fond recollections of special times with a special adult in the ballpark or at the stadium.

College football lends itself particularly well to the collective history. College ball predates every modern American sport, except baseball. For 140 years, fans have been perfecting their traditions and providing a common experience for its base. Though baseball may be twenty years older, it cannot touch the all day festivities of college football: the pageantry of the bands, pep rallies, and all weekend tail gating.

Obviously, I cannot speak for the personal connections people have made with their favorite sports. But football has played a significant role in my own healing process. Though I will be presenting many more defenses of football and its fans, for that reason alone football will never be “meaningless” or “stupid” to me.