Week Long Catch Up

Go away for a week and the football world explodes.

1. Meyer, perhaps you need to go back on your faux sabbatical. Some people, such as this reporter, actually want to do their jobs. Your player, whom you allowed to speak with the media, used some unfortunate words. The reporter even pointed out a kinder interpretation of those words. But when you’re writing a story about a wide receiver and his transition to working with a new quarterback, that quotation is a lynchpin to the article. No foul on Fowler’s part. While there is a place in the world for the crazy-press-conference coach, you, sir, are no Mike Gundy (although threatening to beat the reporter up was a classy touch). So rather than looking like a player’s champion, you’ve just added another example of douche-ry to your resume.

2. Another freaking lawsuit. This time, Michigan Coach Rodriguez has gotten himself embroiled in the Byrant-Denny Stadium Condo building loan scheme.

3. The death of the International Bowl was announced. I’m shocked. Who doesn’t love going to Canada in the dead of winter to watch a mediocre exhibition of American athleticism?

Program Profile: Bowling Green

Bowling Green State University
MAC since 1983
Mascot: Falcons
Colors: Orange and Brown

It’s a MAC program with an ok, record, but that’s about all. However, they do have a strong rivalry with the University of Toledo and the football meeting is deemed the “Battle of I-75” since the schools are just twenty miles apart on that stretch. And Urban Meyer used to coach here. That’s something.

They used to be called the Normals because it was a teaching school, but a wise journalist in 1927 realized how lame that was and started calling them the Falcons. And why the hideous Brown and Orange coloring? The first president sat behind a woman who had a hat in those colors and he liked it.

Program Profile: Boston College

Boston College
Big East since 1939
Mascot: Eagles
Colors: Maroon and Gold

A midlin’ program. They fled to the Big East with everyone else in 2005. Ever heard of the original Hail Mary play (a 48 yard TD pass in the final seconds of the game)? That was BC, against Miami in the Orange Bowl in 1984. The quarterback was Doug Flutie and I’ve heard of him; I guess he’s most famous for going to be the QB for the New England Patriots, but who really cares? My research indicates that since 1995its game with Notre Dame has been called the “Holy War” but I’ve never actually heard that, so take that as you will.

So who knows why their mascot is Baldwin, a bald eagle. But here’s the story behind Maroon and Gold: they wanted papal colors ‘cuz they’re a Cahtolic school. But all the good papal colors were all ready taken. So they got stuck with maroon and gold. And their fight song “For Boston” is uber-catchy and the oldest one in the nation.

Program Profile: Boise State

Boise State University
WAC since 1996
Mascot: Broncos
Colors: Blue and Orange

Boise State equals smurf turf (ie-- the blue field). Enough said.

Ok, ok. I’ll talk about how they’re one of the most successful WAC teams of the century. Until South Florida, they were the fastest rising program in history. They are only the second mid-major team in history to play in BCS bowl (against Oklahoma in 2007), and even won it.

Of course, take all that with a grain of salt considering they don’t play a schedule anywhere near as difficult as BCS teams- their biggest rivalry is in the “Battle for Idaho” against Idaho- and they needed the help of the laxing of standards to get them to the BCS.

They’re represented by Buster, a Bronco, and the colors Blue and Orange.

Program Profile: Baylor

Baylor University
Big 12 since 1899
Mascot: Bears
Colors: Green and Gold

Knowing Baylor is a Baptist school, it’s a little disturbing their mascot is named “Judge”. As such it doesn’t really bother me they have the worst record in the Big 12; it didn’t win a conference road game until 2005. That’s probably why their core fan base, known as “the Line” consists entirely of starry eyed and disillusioned freshmen. Members wear a jersey with their anticipated graduation year and form a tunnel for the team to run through at the game opening. Then they take their seats behind the opposing team’s bench, the better to heckle them. I didn’t think that was legal? But maybe they got an exception because the tradition began back in 1970 as all-male for the purpose of protecting the women from the other team’s fans; that bit of chivalry was finally dropped in 1993. They hold their hands up in a curved bear claw and yell “Sic ‘em bears”. Their match up against Texas A&M is called the “Battle of the Bonzas” and they have a Holy War with Texas Christian.

In 1914, the students chose the Bear to represent them; in 1974 it was named Judge after the school’s founder. But the origins of Green and White are lost, though I suspect it was a probably a student committee.

Program Profiles: Ball State

Ball State University
MAC since 1983
Mascot: Charlie the Cardinal
Colors: Cardinal and White

I wasn’t even entirely sure they were IA, and until I had a cousin attend boarding school on the campus, I didn't even know their location (Indiana, if you care. I don't know why you would.)

I’ve got no anecdotal evidence, no contacts, and the research turns up nothing except they’re absolutely awful; their last winning season (and that was just barely) was in 1996. Seems like Ball State is stuck in anonymity for a long while yet.

They’re represented by Charlie, a Cardinal, and the colors Cardinal and White, but who knows why?

On the Road

Like Bryce Brown, I'm leaving Tennessee. Unlike Bryce Brown, I'll be back when the week is out.

Yes, I'm taking an honest-to-goodness beach vacation (if by beach you mean rainy, rocky cliffs of New England) and though I *think* I'll have blogging access, I'm setting up automatic Program Profile updates, just in case.

Off Season Gets Louder

Though, simply because of the players involved, this could never get at entertaining as the Mike Leach saga, Jim Leavitt wants to jump on the ‘fired coaches sue their former employers’ boat. A career in sports law is looking ever more lucrative. (Ok, so technically this is contract law. My disregard for technicalities explains why I’m not cashing in on this trend.)

Rare Opportunity: Watch the Birth of a Tradition

Y’all know I love college football traditions. No other league, no other sport, does it as well as we do. When do right, it’s perfection.

So I’m shocked that Texas Tech, a good team in a real conference, does not have a Mascot Walk Tradition. Tommy Tubberville is unveiling this time honored ritual for the first time in Lubbock.

Maybe by “college football” I actually mean SEC.

What a Quiet Off Season

I’ve been struggling to find the words to write about the Bama schedule controversy, and I’m failing. I’ll send you here, since he’s all ready done the work.

Touchdown!

This is my 100th post at the Mission. That means if I were a punt returner, and caught the ball in the endzone, and ran one yard for every post, they'd have to put six on the scoreboard.

Whoot whoot.

More About the White House

Leave it to the Onion to have the inside scoop on Bama's visit.

Fun Fact: Longest Game

ESPN sports analyst Craig James was deposed yesterday for Mike Leach’s libel/slander/bitterness lawsuit. The deposition lasted five hours.

Five hours. Can you imagine? I’ve been through the process, and though mine lasted fewer than two hours, it was still tedious and uncomfortable and the entire time I just wanted it to be over.

This got me wondering: what is the longest game in NCAA history? I suspected it involved Arkansas, and I was write. The Razorbacks battled the Kentucky Wildcats on November 1, 2003 for four hours, fifty-six minutes. Kentucky, characteristically, lost 71-63 in the seventh overtime.

I wasn’t there, but I remember that game nonetheless. It started off exciting, then got tedious and uncomfortable and I just wanted it to be over.

Program Profiles: Auburn

Auburn University (SEC)
since 1891
Mascot: Tigers
Colors: Orange and Navy Blue

Poor Tigers. Not so long ago they were an undefeated team that got left out of the 2004 championship game so USC could slaughter Oklahoma instead of giving the nation a decent game. It’s one of those things that will be whined about for generations, but unlike most of them, deservedly so. They’ve always been pretty decent and it looks like pretty decent, with some standout seasons, is what we can expect from them. Even if they did jump the gun on firing Tommy Tuberville.

We can also expect a whole lot of Alabama hate. The Iron Bowl is often considered one of “the most intense intrastate college rivalries in the country”. I doubt there’s another series which the state House of Representatives had to step in and declare a truce between two schools. Alabama is leading overall, but Auburn has taken the recent advantage. But they also have the “Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry” with Georgia, which has been played practically every year since 1898. It’s currently seventh in most played rivalry series, but perhaps most remarkable is its parity in outcome; Auburn currently has a razor thin lead over Georgia. In the distant past (before the SEC split into divisions) there were annual games with Tennessee and Florida, but these days there are few special feelings about these games.

There are lots of special traits of Auburn though. The most notable is Toomer’s Corner. After home victories, Auburn fans run out to the intersection of campus and downtown and roll the trees. Normally, I consider it the height of ignorance to deface your own property (like tearing down the goal posts), but this is such a simple stupid thing to do, I’ll let the Tigers get away with it. And despite the fact their mascot is a Tiger, they’re fond of running around saying “War Eagle”. It’s one of those fabulous mythic stories from football (see below), but it’s still silly. And they can also be called Plainsmen, from a Robert Goldsmith poem. Lay off the excess nicknames Auburn.

So they’re officially represented by Aubie, a Tiger, but the War Eagle hangs out on the sidelines because a Civil War soldier adopted a baby eagle he found on the field, naming it- with all the creativity of an aggie- War Eagle. Years later when he attended an Auburn game as a faculty member the eagle broke loose after the first TD scored against Georgia prompting the crowd to yell “War Eagle!” It stuck.

Program Profiles: Army

Army since 1890
Independent
Mascot: Black Knights
Colors: Black and Gold

It’s like the service academies are in their own little world. In fact, Army is, being Independent of conference. As long as they win the Commanders-in-Chief cup, very little of the rest of the season matters to anyone. The players are not provided the luxury of concentrating on nothing but the game like in small town enclaves who pump their heart and soul all year in to the program. Army can’t compete with schools like that.

But they do have the Army-Navy game. This game is invariably on Top Ten lists of college tradition. Everything about this game has been ritualized from the walk in to the stadium to singing of the alma maters after goose eggs. Perhaps attendance isn’t life altering for neutral spectators, but they report it is something every football fan should experience.

Broncos Bucked from White House

Boise State- well, not so much the team, but some irritating representatives from that and surrounding states- is feeling snubbed. Not by the BCS this time, but the President of the United States himself.

This week, Alabama, as the reigning FBS #1 team (naturally, I can’t call them “champions” since this division technically doesn’t have one), got to visit the White House. Certain Bronco fans felt they should have been invited as well, since they are also undefeated. What they fail to disclose, is it’s a greater accomplishment to go undefeated in a BCS conference than a second tier one. You can cry to me all you want about the injustice of the system or what-have-you, but in the end, Boise State beat two ranked teams. Bama beat six ranked teams, four of which were in the Top Ten, and two of which were in the Top Two. End of story.

By the way, Ivan Maisel has a terrific write-up of the event. Even though Bama is not my primary team, it gave me chills. I cannot wait until the Marine Band plays Rocky Top and the leader of the free world calls out “Go Vols!”

Expansion: Bad for Waistlines, Good for Football

Ugh. As if there weren’t all ready enough reasons to hate Notre Dame, their AD had to open his mouth. See, if the Big Ten and PAC-10 expand, as they desire, and are able to hold a conference championship like the real conferences, Notre Dame just might have to acquiesce to the pressure. In response, AD Swarbrick swears, “We’re trying like hell to maintain our independence. I think it’s good for college football and it’s good for Notre Dame.”

The latter point is arguable. Sure, it’s good for you scheduling the weakest teams in the division (excepting USC, whom you haven’t beaten since 2001) and getting preferable treatment in bowl games. Good for you until you consider those two things have caused you to rack up an impressive 1-5 record in bowl games this century. Sure, the NBC contract is good for you. Until you consider a) you’ll generate more revenue as a conference member and b) since you always have to play at 3:30 EST, you’re losing tons of fans who are watching other games at that time. Much as I love watching the Irish lose, I didn’t see a single Notre Dame game on television because there were always better games on at that time. Move to the occasional 11:00a or 8:00p game and you’ll get a lot more viewers.

But how in the world is their independence good for college football? At best, college football is indifferent.

I can tell you this: it’s certainly not good Notre Dame gets to sponge off BCS coffers regardless of their seasonal performance.

Program Profiles: Arkansas State

Arkansas State University
since 1992 (Sunbelt)
Mascot: Red Wolves
Colors: Scarlet and Black

Arkansas State has little going for it. You’re hard pressed to find the winning seasons in this program. Their big rival is Memphis. They give in to NCAA pressure and dropped their original (only in the sense of first, definitely not the creative sense) mascot: Indians.

But they just joined the Sun Belt from IAA in 2001, and the school’s publicity department is trying to establish itself as a school that has something going on. Get this- true freshmen take shifts beating a huge war drum for twenty-four hours before the Homecoming game. That’s hard core.

Next up: Army

Program Profiles: Arizona State

Arizona State University
Division IA since 1956 (PAC 10)
Mascot: Sun Devil
Colors: Maroon and Gold

ASU was pretty good back in the day, but has a tendency to come up just short of the real goal. Sure they’ve gone bowling all century, but not to any good ones. Still, with the complete upheaval of the scene, their reemergence as a preeminent team is probable, right? No. Much like Miami, they don’t have anything besides victories to put on display. No pageantry, no ongoing drama. The best they can manage is the “Duel in the Desert” versus Arizona.

Sparky represents the Sun Devils, a name chosen by a newspaperman in 1946 since the school itself was continually changing its mascot.

An Update in Friendly Letter Form

Dear Readers,

I promise, folks, I'm trying to keep up with my Mission. But at work...think of it as the end of the season. This week is like the conference championship game (oh, I'm sorry conferences like the PAC-10, Big Ten, and Big East. You haven't the foggiest about those). It's a quiet time publicly but lots of work is going in to getting ready. From next week until April it's like the bowl practice season. Again, not much is going on the fans can see, but it's a heap of work on the team's end.

That's partly why my posts have been sparse of late. Also, I'm working on a rather large statistical project to test a commonly held theory among fans regarding the optimum number of years a coach should stay at one school. It'll probabbly be next weekend before my research is complete, and then I'll have to analyze the data. I'm quite excited about this project and will share my results as soon as possible.

Luckily, I have a backlog of writing to post until I get back on a good writing schedule. In the recent past, I wrote a profile of every FBS program and will put those to good use in the coming weeks. Since they'll be posted alphabetically, our first installment will feature Arizona State.

'Til tomorrow,
The Football Missionary

Why Not to Go into Politics

Today, the Iron Bowl trophy was officially presented to the Bama football team during halftime of a basketball game. Many fancy words were pronounced, but I found myself dying a little for an Auburn student. According to tradition, the trophy must be presented by the president of the opposing school's Student Governmnet Association. Who must then sing the rival's fight song.

Ouch.

Fun Fact: Pep Clubs

College football fandom is a process that, for alums, proceeds in a hierarchy. For example, most of us start out in our young years as casual fan, following the team on tv and attending the occasional live game. Those of us who are lucky enough to attend our institution of choice will probabbly join the student pep club and cheer from the student section every home game. You know you're a real adult when you graduate to the grown-up, expensive club that provides you the privilege of buying season tickets and other perks. It's not a linear progression for everybody, but these clubs are now integral components of any successful program, providing crowd noise, excitement, and bucks.

It's practically impossible to imagine college ball without these organizations. Yet the first pep club wasn't formed until 1930. Any astute observer will notice that's the start of the Great Depression. Pep of any sort was difficult to come by. So to lift the spirits of the ailing community, an entriprising personality close to the Georgia Tech program founded the Yellow Jacket club. Of course it promoted school spirit, but more importantly, it helped relieve the tedium of economic woes.

Boo Great Depression, but yay football for providing an escape, and yay Georgia Tech for capitalizing on that.

Franklin, TN- Center of the Combine Universe

Several major college ball players have begun calling Franklin, TN their temporary home. Peyton Manning owns a gym there that many players use to get them in shape for the combine or to otherwise impress the scouts. The only confirmed sighting I've heard is Johnathan Crompton, which is no surprise.

But guess who my coworker ran into at WalMart yesterday? None other than Tim Tebow. I was so shocked I almost forgot to hate him.

I still can't stand him and will mock him until he eventually fades away, but I have to give him props for a) shopping at WalMart and b) posing with my coworker's six month old baby.