Tide Turns Tebow Tears

(Image from Facebook group "I saw Tim Tebow cry and it made me smile".)

Even though in three out of four games, the ball bounced my way and then was wrestled from my grip by the neighborhood bully at the last second, yesterday was enjoyable. The games were all exciting, bar one, and it’s just that time of year when importance ups its ante. Bama is rolling on to the title game, preventing that 3/4 nonsense Gators would have loved to flout and preventing football fans from slipping into a permanent boredom coma.

But best of all, Tebow cried. And Tebow tears are so rare, they actually cure cancer.

I’ll admit, I don’t know the guy personally. I wouldn’t want to, if his media portrayal is any reflection of his actual self. He’s a creepy idgit. Let me count the ways.

1. He’s a robotic battering ram. I remember way back his first season. Tennessee was the first team to get burned by him, but we figured, ‘No big deal. He just runs it up the middle with the force of a canon. Now that other teams have seen him do it, they’ll adjust and mitigate his effectiveness. If nothing else, he’ll be out of commission by his junior season due to all the hard knocks.’ None of that was true. He continues to shred defenses like old credit card statements, and his worst injury, a concussion that barely slowed him down, didn’t occur until the second half of this season. Maybe that indicates he’s a “machine” or “Superman,” but you know what? If I wanted to see that, I’d flip on ScyFy. What people love about sports is triumph over adversity. We love uber-talented players that, for whatever reason, experience failure but find the strength to claw back up to the top. Does anyone love Star Trek’s Data? Like, admire, respect, sure. Love? No. He ‘suffered’ one loss against Ole Miss, and the worst misfortune to befall his football career is running his last college yards on the field of a BCS bowl in New Orleans? Excuse me if I let him cry alone on that sideline bench.
2. Let’s go ahead and address the crying. It points to his immaturity. I might could forgive a few leaks at the end of this most recent defeat, because it would have been emotional (although I resent the attitude he and his teammates sported: if they just took the field, they’d be Pasadena bound). But he does it after every loss. And remember when Mississippi State almost beat them this year and he pitched that hissy and refused to talk reporters? He displays no emotional coping skills.
3. His interviews. They’re scripted out so he says all the right things. Too bad he’s utterly unconvincing.
4. The Christianity thing. Talk about it or whatever. The verse blacks make you look like a tool, but it’s a free country. However, you might want to choose your verses more carefully. John 16:33 is practically conceding the game to your opponents.
5. The good guy image. He’s working way too hard at it and reached ridiculous heights on yesterday morning’s Gameday. We were regaled with the tale of all the support Tebow throws to some high school kid that HE NEVER MET (OMG!) who died while playing receiver. What’s that support? Wearing a Livestrong bracelet. I am humbled by his humanitarianism. (I know he’s done legit things, but he hangs his hat on mission trips, which are a whole ‘nother layer of creepy. The run of the mill community service he performs are undertaken by all football players, so no special points can be awarded).
6. The Urban Meyer relationship. I honestly don’t want to cast nefarious aspersions, but I will observe the special, weepy relationship they maintain. I don’t know what’s going on there, but I’m glad it will be off my television soon.

So yeah. Much rejoicing at his hubris.

But you know my absolute favorite part? Lane Kiffin as the celebrity Gameday picker. It’s the championship game between Alabama and Florida, and there’s Tennessee’s coach breaking down the game in a most thrilling, accurate fashion while highlights of Vols beating up on the champion teams plays. It’s great to be a Tennessee Vol!