Coach Dooley, Between the Checkerboards

Let's compare my requirements with the coach Mike Hamilton found; clearly, I have pull with the athletic department.

Coach found: Derek Dooley, most recently of Louisiana Tech. When asked if he ever imagined he'd be going head to head against his mentor, Nick Saban, he replied, "I hoped so." Known for handling his team and himself with dignity and class. Expresses his opinon the SEC is the top and that Tennessee is a destination job; has the accent to support this opinion. Son of famed Georgia coach Vince Dooley. Vouched for by Nick Saban, Terry Bradshaw, and Joseph Addai. Stable career, accepting only promotions and making no lateral moves. Soundbites:
1. I'm not going to sell this program in a sound bite. (Oh, nicely played.)
2. I’m sure if I’d stayed with Nick Saban, I would have been a more popular candidate for this position, but I’m certain by doing what I did [accepting the head coaching position at LA Tech], I’m a more qualified candidate.
3. I was only there two years, you know. We’re talking more about the Dolphins than Tennessee.
4. When I got a text from Mike just asking if I was interested, first off, I was glad I could text.
5. This isn’t my program. It’s been here a long time and it’ll be here long after I’m gone.

I forgot to add the qualified candidate must look good in orange, and oh my...he does (I eagerly anticipate being able to put up a proper picture). Welcome to Rocky Top, Coach Dooley. We're so excited to have you!